I just don't have the patience for it anymore and I haven't had the desire to play in quite awhile. It almost feel like a job to play the game, because I always have to fix something and the littlest thing irritate me now. Even competitions are becoming a chore for me. I'm really struggling to be creative. They use to be great distractions when I wasn't feeling well, but they even stress me out now.
My health has dampened my enthusiasm for a lot things. I've gotten to the point that it's hard for me to keep up any sort of a social life. Even here. I'm just so f'ing tired and moody, I feel like a walking time bomb. I don't feel like myself most days. I would like think it's all in my head, but it's not and I literally have every symptom of the disorder that's causing this. I'm to the point that yeah I'm having unsettling thoughts during the weeks I suffer the most. I don't like to admit it, but I do.
If you like to know what that disorder, feel free to ask. I just don't think it's appropriate to post it here.
Since it's not exactly something I can talk about to my father (might have to someday) or any guy in that matter, my grandmother is the only person I'm able to talk to. She's the only female who seems to give s**t about me. My aunt doesn't visit and can't even bother to wish me happy birthday anymore, so I really don't give crap about her. I haven't even seen that woman face to face in 3 years and she lives in the same city as me!!! If it wasn't for my grandmother who still communicates with her over the phone, I would go tell her to f*** herself. Heck, even if she was around I wouldn't trust her, because all she does is gossip and she would be f'ing pleased to hear about anything negative regarding me I'm sure. Even my cousins are jealous cows! Most of them are too screwed up with their own messes to bother with anyway. So what I'm getting is that I literally have 4 family members left who give a crap. Well 2 of them definitely do. I feel very alone, because of this. It makes me miss my mom and grandfather. I get so sad thinking about them. It just isn't fair. I just feel like that's theirs barely anyone around who care about me.
Then there's just the fact that this disorder isn't taken seriously. It took forever for my grandmother to be convince I wasn't f'ing acting out or being over dramatic.
I don't even know if anyone is still reading this blog besides a few, but I won't be updating this blog anymore till I feel better and decide to start simming again. I'll finish out my comps and post about those, but that's all I can muster up now.
While I still do have good days, I would like to spend those days out and about as it is summer. I've been to the movies and circus so far. Next will be the zoo.
As for going to the doctor, obamacare screwed up and let my insurance expired without notice. F'ing lovely since I would really liked to have went last week when I am at my worse! Now I gotta wait 3 weeks!!! Probably won't be experiencing any symptoms when I go, because that's how it all goes every freaking time. >_>
But yeah I might disappear for a min. Not completely, but I just need a break. I'll finish my comps and maybe upload some sims, but I'm taking a break. A really long one till things are better. I would waited to post this, but I wanted to warn those who are still here since I've been MIA a lot anyway and I needed to vent I guess. I hope you all understand. I'm sorry. :(