Monday, December 17, 2018

RL Rant: I've been fat-shamed (not even "fat") for getting a kidney stone... (Seriously)

I would usually write this on my Tumblr on my phone out of boredom and angst, but since I'm logged out Tumblr in protest I'll stick it here.

If I wasn't tired and in pain, I might have physically assaulted someone the day I came home from the ER. I'm not even a violent person, but I was that mad and I get tired of people thinking they can say anything to me without consequence. My patience is thinning and I refuse to have my kindness taken for granted anymore. I'm done being a doormat. For anyone. Especially family.

This person has their issues. Mentally and issues they choose to indulgence in despite a recent hospital visit themselves. They have done countless things to upset and hurt me. Even threatening me after indulging in their "habit." I've tried to help them despite that. I've been nothing, but nice. Now I'm done.

The other day after coming home from the ER, I told this person I had been hospitalized for a kidney stone. The first thing out of this assholes mouth is "you got to change your diet." So I'm like "Um....excuse me?" He repeats it. I tell him the doctor said it can just happen and since it's my first kidney stone, I shouldn't worry about that just yet. Then this idiot proceeds to tell me I eat too much. I continue saying I don't even eat that much. Now I didn't say this, but all I eat is cereal in the morning and dinner frankly. Maybe a small snack in between. I do count calories still. I'm not at my ideal weight, but I'm getting there and I'm more curvy than fat. I ironically used to be teased for being too skinny in my younger days. I think a lot of the gain was due to meds and depression, but that's beside the point. Who the fuck is this guy criticizing me about my weight?! That's like a man outright saying you're too fat for your jeans without you even asking. Now I could understand if I was obese barely able to fit through a doorway, but I'm not. Actually, when I mention diet to anyone else they look at me like I'm crazy.

Anywhooo, he continued saying "of course you don't think you eat much, but you do." My mouth opened up ready to say some really awful things about his habits and lack of weight, but my grandmother butted in ending the conversation and I immediately ran off to the bathroom so I wouldn't go nuts on him.

He does not know how close he was to death or bodily harm. My PMDD symptoms are usually flaring up at this time and I didn't take my meds the night before due to the ER. I think from the sheer exhausting and pain, I couldn't muster up the strength to turn into a rage monster. If I had the energy I might have turned into the incredible hulk and threw him across the room. I really wanted to punch in the face that night for sure. I still want to punch him in the face.

The sheer audacity and timing. It is also not the only time he has mentioned my diet. He has said shit under his breath numerous times and my Lord if he sees my younger uncle, Uncle J (we'll call him that) give me some of his food, he thinks I'm a big fat ass pig. Actually, I called him out the last time because of that. I'm tired of it. He should be the last person to judge anyone. He's dead to me. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but he's been dead to me for a while. I have just been acknowledging a ghost tbh and trying to be hopeful, but I'm done. My dad is not even talking to him, because he had stolen shit from him and Uncle J hates his guts. My grandmother is the only one who puts up with him. Barely.

So yeah I've said nothing to him since that day and he keeps trying to talk to me like nothing is wrong. I don't even answer and he continues. I'm going say something soon. He won't like it, but I don't care. Fuck him!

Am I being dramatic? I really do hate his guts.

2 comments:

  1. not being dramatic imo, he is being an inexcusable ass. your feelings and reaction are totaly valid

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, because everybody else is like "ignore him. You know how he is," but he really hit a nerve and it's not like a one time thing. He has the conscious effort to keep mentioning it and I've had enough. Like FFS he couldn't even wait till I felt better. And my grandmother did butt in defending me, but that's not enough. I want him to hear it from me.

      He's lucky I've been so forgiving tbh. He would have been beaten up at least twice by now by my father if I hadn't begged him not to. Won't be intervening anymore. He's a leech and waste of space who no matter what refuses to get help, so I don't care anymore about his well being. I know it's X-mas, but I'm totally done.

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