I'm still not myself entirely, but maybe this will help....

I've been feeling kind of depressed lately. I thought I might got over my social awkwardness and gain some confidence, but I'm finding it difficult to talk to people at work. I don't relate. I feel like I'm from a different planet from most of them and my mind just seems like it can't function properly when I have to socialize. Customers make it even worse, because I then have to come up with an answer to their problems right on the spot. If everything was like online when you could take your time formulating your thoughts and answers, I would be great. Why can't rl be like online? Ugh. I just suck at talking. I don't even know how to be me around people, because I'm f'ing mess.

Besides the socializing part, I have manage to gain some points with a few co-workers. Better than nothing. I also manage screw up one relationship I had with a co-worker as well. I don't know how since this person seemed to be quite comfortable hugging me and visiting over at the toy aisle. I had been seeing him less and less, but still I don't get why he suddenly is cold towards me. One day I gave him a hug, he looked surprised and not happy. Then the last time I saw him, he awkwardly said hi to me while passing by. I didn't hug him or make it a big deal to see him that time. I spoke and kept going. I'm kind of hoping after awhile he will come around and I can simply look at him as a friend. I just hope I didn't make him feel uncomfortable. I know when to back off and give up, so he doesn't need worry about me anymore. Still I truly liked him, so it f'ing hurts! I asked for that though, so it's my fault my feelings got hurt and I've accepted that.

Well now I've gotten over it for the most part. I went back to focusing on the money aspect of the job and perfecting the hot mess of the toy aisle. It was the other day that really didn't help me feel any better. I was doing my usual straightening up that day when I heard my name on the intercom to answer "line 1". Well no one told me how to answer that type of phone, so the confusion began. When I did manage to answer the phone, a customer was on the other end asking for a toy wagon. Now I panicked a bit, but I saw it at the very top of the shelf while on the phone with her. I told her we had it, but then she asked for the price of it. OK that's all fine and dandy, but the wagon was so freaking high up I couldn't see the price. So then I panicked and asked a girl there for advice.  She had no idea what to do either really. We gave her a price range, but of course that wasn't good enough. The customer requested we take it down for the exact price and to hold it for her. So we called the manager. The manager got it down, but then out of no where she started yelling and pointing at me. She told me if the customer wanted it down, I was suppose to get up on a ladder and haul the huge box down. That you must do everything and anything to please the customer. She also said I wasn't suppose to pass the buck to anyone.

Well first of all, I didn't know I suppose be climbing ladders and hauling such big heavy boxes down. As for passing the buck or responsibility, I was asking for help. When did asking for help become a crime? I'm tired of them expecting me to know everything when I've gotten ZERO training. Heck I might of tried even going up on that shelf maybe if I was informed of these things. Still I didn't feel safe going up on a ladder and grabbing something off at such a height. I just kept imagining myself falling. Would they pay my hospital bills? Even if I did get a request like that again, I would ask a guy to help and get it. The box was waist high to me and a heavy wagon for kids to ride in. Personally the whole thing just pissed me off. I can imagine how X-mas going be. More phone calls probably and crazy request. Just the thought of it all makes me want to quit. I wish I could quit.

So yeah I haven't loss my interest in the sims community one bit! I've just been in shitty mood for a few weeks now and I didn't want to bring it here. I actually think I did more harm than good with me not airing it out here. This blog is like a f'ing diary sometimes. Well maybe now I can stop being a gloomy mess... till I go back to work Thursday anyways. In the meantime I'm so going start posting more blog post!

P.S. It was a different manager this time. I'm sure she'll tell the other one from before. *sigh*