Warning: Cursing galore kiddies.
I was supposed to post this two weekends ago but forgot. I still don't have internet access besides my phone so I'm limited as what I can do for now.
My life has been pretty fucked up since my grandmother passed away. I went from being in shock, to numb, to falling into a deep depression, to being angry as hell, then to just being hopeless wanting to die. I thank God my new medication for pmdd helped or I might have went through killing myself tbh. I also stuck around for my dad, my dog Roxie, and for sheer spite because I'm a petty asshole who wants to rub shit in my uncles (dad's side) and cousins' (not all) faces. Fuck em. My grandmother also told me that I must keep going if something happen to her so I gotta honor the lady. I also have short hair now all thanks to that stress or either covid. Lots of breakage which led to me having a sort of a bob. I was planning to dye my once natural long hair purple but I guess that'll have to wait. Everything really took a toll on me. I'm lucky because it could have been worse.
Unfortunately, we gotten zero help since she passed. ZERO. I got to hang with a older cousin of mine a few times and that had helped me take my mind off of things. Then had another check on me but the rest have done NOTHING! No offers. Zilch. All I got was some flowers, "Sorry for your loss", and pretty much "good luck with that." They didn't even show up for the funeral!!! I could be homeless for all they care. My uncles are also still leeching off of us. They treat me like I'm a peice of furniture they say "hi" to when they have to. They don't ask about bills. As far as they concerned, it's my dad's job. Food? They don't care. I'm sure if we laid dead on the floor, they would check our pockets step over us. My dad asked them what if [my real name] end up in street. Said I could "he could end up there but she can't." And that he can't have his daughter in that situation. They just shrugged. Assholes.
The house is also in horrible condition. The flood did more damage than we expected. Lots of cracks, falling plaster, and holes. It's lucky to not be condemned. Uncle C aka Flood Master still claims he didn't do it and talks to us like trash. Uncle J (who I thought had some sense) doesn't care and goes into hoarder den of a room after work. Hasn't offered a cent.
So why haven't I moved? Because Maryland is now expensive as fuck and they want three or two times the rent. Almost every apartment here is either a luxury apartment or old folks home. And there's a two year waiting list for most income based apartments. And don't even add pet friendly to that! Pet friendly, income based for all ages is almost nonexistent. I've called so many apartments I've lost count. That's when I became pretty much hopeless. Then I got into a much needed argument with my dad. I cried and just had fucking gave up. He got angry and told me to make up my own plan. Basically I can't keep relying him. So I fell asleep and then it hit me as soon as I woke up. Apply to Amazon. I did just that. Was shocked there isn't an application or interview process for the warehouse work. You take a drug test and then if everything comes up clean, you just work. That's what happened for me basically.
I worked this weekend actually. My first two days. I'm working night shift. Neither of my uncles know I'm working so far. Me and my dad sneak out the house. He gets me there and he sneaks back. Then by time I'm ready for pickup, everyone is sleep. I hide all my shit when I come in. Vest, ID, and work shoes. I just feel like it's best they don't know.
I work at sorting. Pulling pallets, staging the floor for more packages, and sorting packages into their correct places. The hardest job is operating the pallet jack and pulling pallets of packages around. Some taller than me.
The first night was shitty. I dressed in too many layers causing myself to overheat, I brought a cute teddy bear backpack which just got in the way, and I tried to make my hair look nice which just ended up being a sweaty mess all over my head. I also had no idea how to use a pallet jack at all. I felt like a moron. lol
The 2nd night, which was last night, went much better. I put my hair up in a clip, dressed in less layers, and carried only the essentials in my pockets. I also finally got the hang of the pallet jack. I wish someone could have took a video my small ass pulling these giant wrapped bundles of packages around the warehouse. I did ask for help a few times but not for nothing too major. Then I did make one mistake which almost got me cussed out in spanish. Dude was very annoyed with me placing a pallet one lane over where it wasn't supposed to go. I felt bad and apologized but he wasn't having it. lol We have to wear orange vest when we are new and I had mines on but again he was not having it. Ugh. I shook it off and learned from it. Kept going. Then the end of the day consist of us placing pallets on the floor and placing tall boxes on them.
I expect much more work, Friday when I go in. No more training classes at the beginning of the day. Just non-stop work. 4 days straight. My legs are stiff and achy now so I can imagine. So far my back is fine so that's good. We'll see.
I'll be getting paid every week and it will equal to $500+ every two weeks if my calculations are correct. Should be enough if I go half on an apartment with my dad. I hope to move next month if all goes well.
In the meantime, I'm going pass out. I'm soooo tired. I have three days off and I'm going use them for sleep. 😂😴
No comments:
Post a Comment