Warning: Cursing galore kiddies.
I was supposed to post this two weekends ago but forgot. I still don't have internet access besides my phone so I'm limited as what I can do for now.
My life has been pretty fucked up since my grandmother passed away. I went from being in shock, to numb, to falling into a deep depression, to being angry as hell, then to just being hopeless wanting to die. I thank God my new medication for pmdd helped or I might have went through killing myself tbh. I also stuck around for my dad, my dog Roxie, and for sheer spite because I'm a petty asshole who wants to rub shit in my uncles (dad's side) and cousins' (not all) faces. Fuck em. My grandmother also told me that I must keep going if something happen to her so I gotta honor the lady. I also have short hair now all thanks to that stress or either covid. Lots of breakage which led to me having a sort of a bob. I was planning to dye my once natural long hair purple but I guess that'll have to wait. Everything really took a toll on me. I'm lucky because it could have been worse.
Unfortunately, we gotten zero help since she passed. ZERO. I got to hang with a older cousin of mine a few times and that had helped me take my mind off of things. Then had another check on me but the rest have done NOTHING! No offers. Zilch. All I got was some flowers, "Sorry for your loss", and pretty much "good luck with that." They didn't even show up for the funeral!!! I could be homeless for all they care. My uncles are also still leeching off of us. They treat me like I'm a peice of furniture they say "hi" to when they have to. They don't ask about bills. As far as they concerned, it's my dad's job. Food? They don't care. I'm sure if we laid dead on the floor, they would check our pockets step over us. My dad asked them what if [my real name] end up in street. Said I could "he could end up there but she can't." And that he can't have his daughter in that situation. They just shrugged. Assholes.
