RIP to my fur baby, Roxie

RIP TO MY SWEET BABY, ROXIE. Sweetest and smartest dog I know. Also the funniest. ❤️

She was 14 and died of kidney failure today. She was suffering and I had no choice. Watching her unable to walk the night before was gut wrenching. She was in a lot pain. She also wasted away to nothing no matter how much I fed her. I tried so hard but it was in vain. I knew it was time. I knew today would be that day. I stayed till the end. I'm still not over my grandmother's death and now this. I feel gutted. My dad also loved her so its hard for us both. She may be a dog but she was family. Rest in peace little one.🙏🏾

Copy and pasted this from my fb as I cant bring myself to type anything else. I'll talk about it more soon but I can't right now. I'm hurting. 

Simself 2023

 Planning to get my hair dyed purple at my next hair appt. 😁

B/w my old simself and outfits was so cringey. 

I'll upload her soon I guess.

Took Roxie to the vet. Old gurl still kicking but with issues

Roxie is doing ok. Like I said, she's 14 years old now so she's old. We took her to the vet. Her new vet. Going into the city from my new place to her old vet was a chore. Then the nice vet lady we had left just before we moved and was replaced with some old dude who pretty much rushed through her appointment and pissed me off when he cut me off mid-sentence to rush to his next appt. He also kept calling her a boy. >_> The receptionist also had a bit of attitude. He was new as well. I saw him literally snap at a man who just lost his dog because he was in the middle of waiting on me. I would've happily waited. Like geez. Empathy is lacking nowadays. So yeah I found somewhere near my new place and the new vet is just amazing. Checked her over thoroughly and called me personally to give me the results of her bloodwork. Told me to call him if she got worse or anything. Very nice and professional. Also very nice staff. 

Ok, so in not-so-great news. Roxie has a number of issues. She has a heart murmur and is now on heart medication. She also has some kidney disease going on and a possible mass on her spleen. I honestly thought I was going to have to call him and put her down, but she's doing better so far. She's a bit more active and she's eating better since introducing soft food back into her diet. Helps with chewing as she has bad teeth. Just trying to get some weight back on her and keep her going. As for the missing fur I mentioned before, that was allergies. I'm going to make her another appointment as he wants to see her in two weeks. If her blood work numbers go down, then things should be better according to the new vet. We'll see. I'm on pins and needles every day because I just worry she might not wake up or she might have a medical emergency. She's on borrowed time but hopefully, we can get a few more years out of her.

Pic of her in the new place b/w. Taken around Thanksgiving after being groomed by her new groomer:

P.S. She must have known I was talking about her. She came into my room and rolled around. Now she's on my lap. 😂😅

Hey! Hello! Anybody still here? I'm back!

I don't even know what to say. A lot happened. Like I said in a previous post, I got a job. I moved out of my grandmother's house and out of the city of Baltimore. Me, my dad, and Roxie (my dog). I found an apartment for us. Then I got my toxic leech uncles evicted as they were just living for free while being total assholes to us. After moving, I realize that I put up with a lot of abuse from them. Mental and verbal abuse. I was scared to express myself. Wear certain clothes items and I was deemed a slut by one. Gained weight and I was deemed fat by the other. All criticisms and no positivity as my dad said. Even in the wake of my grandmother's death, I felt like a piece of furniture to them. My dad was disgusted and outraged by their treatment of me. He came to the realization himself as to how truly toxic they BOTH were. He credits me for saving our lives as I never gave up on finding a place and I took a job that was backbreaking work to achieve it. Tbh, I was terrified of getting my job and moving. I had no choice really. Even if my uncles (gags I hate calling them that) had left, we couldn't afford the bills that came with it and we would've been living in poor conditions. The house sustained too much water damage from my uncle flooding the house and became a mold-filled hell hole. Selling it was the kindest thing we can do for it. The city would have taken it and it would have become another abandoned property courtesy of the city. At least now it will be fixed up and sold to a family who can make new memories with it. Unfortunately, we have to split the money with freeloaders due to no will. Still, I'm glad I was able to get them evicted. They don't deserve anything, but they most definitely don't deserve a house!

Some other insane stuff happened in midst of staying at the house and moving. Me and dad were chilling in the living room of the old house one night when we heard a bunch of gunshots. We being used to hearing that as it's the crime-ridden city, didn't really react till a bullet hit the window frame. An actual bullet hit the window frame. The window I was sitting behind. We both freaked out. I was shaking and crying. Police came and roped off the street. I'm very happy to be out of the city because of that. I have no plans of returning to the city anytime soon. Then my dad got in an accident with the Uhaul. Wasn't his fault. Some dumbass hit him. That was scary and delayed our move. He wasn't hurt and we hadn't loaded it up with our stuff when it happened thankfully. It shook him up though. I immediately found a replacement company to move. I even saw a car explode out back in a lot located out back near the house. I honestly started to question if I was in some disaster movie or life simulator at some point. Thankfully, my life is somewhat boring again. Hoping it stays boring and normal.

So speaking of normal, the job is still going well so far. I've been working there for 9 months now. I'm considered their most hard-working and dependable worker. I like who I work with. They accept me in all my weirdness and awkwardness. Everyone says hi to me and knows me by name. I'm used to being treated like crap at jobs that it's shocking to receive such kindness. Speaking of kindness, the county where I'm living now is amazing. Everyone is so nice and friendly. Then it's super convenient as stores are everywhere and my job is only a few mins away. It's wonderful. I'm looking forward to summer so Roxie and I can hang out in the park. They even have dog oriented restaurant here. It's adorable. I hope I can take her there. I just don't look forward to the bugs. The bugs are different here. 😖  I do like squirrels tho. They're so many squirrels here.😊

Roxie is doing fine. She turned 14 years old in February if you can believe it. When we moved, she was anxious and confused. I held her and put her in my bed the first night to calm her down. She snored in my ear the whole night and was back to her usual self the next day. She adjusted almost immediately. She was happier and even stopped coughing. Unfortunately, she is not in the best health now. She is skinnier and losing hair now. She has concerning spots and lumps that worry me. She's not as energetic and doesn't play with toys anymore. The only thing she truly enjoys is food and rolling around my room. She has a vet appointment, so hopefully, they can make her feel better and calm my fears. We don't need any more heartbreak right now.

As for me, I'm good. Still healing. I went through a bout of anger and depression as I said in previous post. My hair broke off from stress giving me shorter hair. I cried about it when I got the big cut, but I don't hate it now. It's sort of liberating. It's like a bob cut. I plan to dye it purple soon. Then I'm going to rehaul my whole wardrobe, get a second piercing in my ears, and get my nose pierced. Also working on getting a learner's permit. I'm fucking serious this time. I'm going reinvent myself into the person I want to be outwardly and inwardly with no fucks given. I already have new glasses which were much needed. Whenever I get the rest of my tax money, I'm getting a PS5. I also need more furniture. Like a couch for one. I need to price that. The job hasn't made me permanent yet but I'm hoping that's coming soon. I like my job, but the pay is sort of sucky with seasonal/temp status. >_<

I'm probably forgetting something, but eh. My dad is fine by the way. Still, missing my grandmother, but he's healing. We both miss her so much. :( He's happy to be in the county though and he's proud of me. 💖😊

Ok, for why I'm here. Sims. I don't have Sims 4 but I still have Sims 3 installed. I don't know if anyone cares to see my shit anymore. Whatever. I'll still post and play on my days off. So expect some shit soonish. Maybe today if I don't fall asleep. I get internet access recently and brand new light-up speakers that match my PC. Fuckin ready to go and fire up the game! I'm back bitches!

P.S. I've been working 5 days a week and I plan to go back to 4 days, so I'll have more time BS in life and here for real. :D

Get your asses back here!!!! We selling the house and I got the keys finally!

I'm laughing so hard right now!!! Those bitches (my uncles) gotta get out because the house is sold and they have no say now. I'll be warm and toasty in my new apartment while them bums be getting the fuck out of my grandmother's house. Bwhahahahahahah!

P.S. Signed the lease on the apartment. Uhal this week. I did it yall. I finally did it. 😭

Slowly digging myself out of a sh**ty depressing hole

Warning: Cursing galore kiddies. 

I was supposed to post this two weekends ago but forgot. I still don't have internet access besides my phone so I'm limited as what I can do for now. 

My life has been pretty fucked up since my grandmother passed away. I went from being in shock, to numb, to falling into a deep depression, to being angry as hell, then to just being hopeless wanting to die. I thank God my new medication for pmdd helped or I might have went through killing myself tbh. I also stuck around for my dad, my dog Roxie, and for sheer spite because I'm a petty asshole who wants to rub shit in my uncles (dad's side) and cousins' (not all) faces. Fuck em. My grandmother also told me that I must keep going if something happen to her so I gotta honor the lady. I also have short hair now all thanks to that stress or either covid. Lots of breakage which led to me having a sort of a bob. I was planning to dye my once natural long hair purple but I guess that'll have to wait. Everything really took a toll on me. I'm lucky because it could have been worse. 

Unfortunately, we gotten zero help since she passed. ZERO. I got to hang with a older cousin of mine a few times and that had helped me take my mind off of things. Then had another check on me but the rest have done NOTHING! No offers. Zilch. All I got was some flowers, "Sorry for your loss", and pretty much "good luck with that." They didn't even show up for the funeral!!! I could be homeless for all they care. My uncles are also still leeching off of us. They treat me like I'm a peice of furniture they say "hi" to when they have to. They don't ask about bills. As far as they concerned, it's my dad's job. Food? They don't care. I'm sure if we laid dead on the floor, they would check our pockets step over us. My dad asked them what if [my real name] end up in street. Said I could "he could end up there but she can't." And that he can't have his daughter in that situation. They just shrugged. Assholes.

RL update coming soon...

Yes, I'm still alive and well despite it all. Look for something this week or weekend. 

P.S. My blog theme needs an update. Ugh. Will fix that when I can. 

RIP Grandma. I miss her so much.

 I'm pretty heartbroken right now. My heart literally hurts. So much pain. I lost my mom at 9 but I was kid then and I could pretend she had just gone on one of her trips, but this time it's different. It's no pretending. Just pain. This one hurts the most. The absolutely most. I don't know why I'm even on here. It's too soon. I'm sobbing as I type this. I can't believe she's gone. She was like a mother to me. She said I was like her daughter. She was my best friend too. She use to watch me play video games like they were movies. She got invested as if she was playing them and cheered me on. Then she would play Mario Party with me and my dad. That was the last game we played. She was sick then but she had fun. She always played as Yoshi. She also was excited to see the end of the Great Ace Attorney. This is so hard. I'm crying. Ugh.

She was even familiar with Sims. When I competed in Sim competitions, she looked at my pictures and she even gave me her opinion on contestants' pictures when I hosted competitions. She was proud of my stupid little sim pictures. I can picture her now walking by this computer with her cigarette and stopping to ask me what I was doing. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I never want to forget it. Never.

Unfortunately, she had pneumonia and suffered a stroke. I believe she suffered a stroke earlier this year, but she didn't really show the typical signs we associate with strokes. She had trouble walking and swallowing food though. Her being her, she held off going to the doctor. Along with all that, she got Covid while in the hospital. We were unable to see her for weeks then. Then she was back and forth from rehab to the hospital. The last time I saw her on video chat at the rehab place, she didn't look good. It was like she didn't see me or know what was going on when she saw me on the phone. I cried all day that day. The next day, we got the call that they were doing CPR on her, and then we got the final call saying her heart stopped. That she was gone. I screamed. Cried and screamed. It was the worst night of my life. Before she got to that point, me and my dad did get a good moment with her on the phone. I blew her kisses and she blew them back at me via video chat. I don't know what happened after that, but I thought she had beat it all. She was one tough lady, so no one doubted her. It's a shame she couldn't make it this time. When she was in hospital years ago for her diabetes diagnosis, she jumped out the bed and made herself walk so she "could get the heck out of there." I kept expecting her to call up this time for us to pick her up while simultaneously complaining. She was a character and a total badass. Her sense of humor was also legendary. I would have given up anything for her to come back home better than ever. I would have given her my kidney. I would have given her my right arm. I would have done anything. I loved her so much. I can't put into words how much I love her and how much I miss her. It hurts. 

Right now I'm in the midst of the funeral arrangements. We're having a small thing and we might honor her again on her birthday. Her birthday is close to mine, so it's going to be tough.

Me and my dad are also planning to move. Part of me wants to keep the house, but it's expensive to keep it up on our income alone and it doesn't feel like home anymore with her gone. Just doesn't feel like I live here anymore. Like I'm just squatting or something. Every corner of the house also reminds me of her. Not a bad thing but it just makes me sad. Then the flood ruined the kitchen, so there's that. We also refuse to get stuck taking care of Mr. Flood/Uncle C and getting stuck paying all the bills while lazyass Uncle J (with a job) pays nothing. Dude won't even help plan the funeral. Keeps pushing it on me. Pisses me off.  Neither are worth shit tbh. We would like to sell the house, but they refuse to. They have been nothing but a pain during this whole process. I'm done with the drama. They going end up losing the house and we sure enough ani't going to be here to see it. So it's time for a new start. Me, my dad, and Roxie off to new horizons. I'm excited. We already picked out the place. lol We got to save up a little and we are out of here.

But once this is all over and I can type and play games without sobbing, I'll be back. If I'm wanted and if the community is not a ghost town anyway.

For now, I go back to grieving and crying over stupid stuff like her favorite spoon. :(

P.S. Speaking of her humor, do you know she has a pet rock? She told me I would inherit it. I'm taking it with me. Then when we needed money or we talked about my desperation for a job, she would say "well you could always go down on Baltimore street on the corner." Basically told me I could go and prostitute myself. She was kidding of course, but she was a wild one. One of a kind. God, I miss her.